DIVIN' IN

We've launched a new direction at our church for 2008. It started off with great momentum with a new series called "Divin' In- Try God's stuff and see what happens". My husband, who is the Sr. Pastor at our church, along with dedicated volunteers and staff want to challenge ourselves and the church to take a risk...step out of our comfort zones, try God's teachings in our lives outside the church walls and see how our faith is strengthened, our prayers answered, make new friends and develop strong marriages and friendships. It's very exciting and we can totally sense God's presence in service. It's almost like a buzz that's spreading...people are saying, "Man, that was a great message and the entire service centered around the main subject". It's all part of sticking to "The Big Idea"....basically keeping the main thing the main thing. I know that's not news to anyone, but just like with anything in our lives, when we become re-focused, things seem clearer, fresh and new, and people are excited to jump on board.

We're starting the next series this week called "Behind Closed Doors - the impact of sex in our marriage, family and culture". It is not your typical sugar-coated, lovey-dovey series. Don and I are speaking together Sunday to discuss, rather bluntly, how sex can make a marriage stronger, or the mis-use of it can rip a marriage apart. I think many times, we turn a blind eye to the barrage of sexual ads, tv/movies and other stuff, partly because we've become de-sensitized. However, since we've had a child, I feel as though my eyes have been opened to the things I see being thrown at us and it really makes me sick. I even had a career in marketing and advertising and I know first-hand what is going through the minds of these big companies and the marketing department and how they do whatever it takes to sell their products, without the slightest thought of the negative impact on people and children. I know how words, phrases and photos in ads are carefully chosen to lure the consumer into buying things. Even the position of products on shelves or their placement in stores is carefully evaluated to turn a customer's head. And it boils down to greed...money.

When we were preparing to discuss sex, we came across a couple who wrote several brilliant books, Jeff & Shaunti Feldhahn and are the authors of "For Men Only", "For Women Only", "For Teens Only", etc. Now, I thought there could not possibly be another book that could reveal things about men and women in a new way. But I was wrong. This couple did mounds of research and interviewed countless people to reveal their findings. They talk about how men and women perceive sex and relationships and the differences between them. When I read "For Men Only", I thought she hit the female perspective very well. Nothing new there. But when I found out how men were interpreting that, I was surprised to know what they were really thinking. Then I read "For Women Only" which gives insight to the guys point of view on relationships and just when I thought for sure I knew what my husband was thinking, I didn't really know it at all. I asked his opinion on it and he verified their findings. For instance, I didn't know that sex for most men is an emotional need for them...not merely physical. It's the same as women needing love and affection. When men are deprived of sex from their wives, they feel that their wife thinks them undesirable....that she doesn't love them emotionally. Even if it's a legitimate excuse, it's just like wives needing that hug or "I love you" from their hubby and not receiving it. Their information made me very aware of how we have neglected each other's needs in our relationship...even though we thought they were being met and why many marriages start breaking down.

I highly recommend those books along with "Every Man's Battle" and "Every Woman's Battle". As for teens, a lot of this stuff applies...to what young men are thinking when they see a girl in trendy (but tight or revealing) clothes to what young women are thinking when a guy pursues them emotionally (not for sex). I also found it interesting that guys and gals expectations during dating are suddenly different after you're married. I asked my husband, why is it that men stop "dating" their wives after they get married? Suddenly all the nice messages, phone calls, I love you's, hugs, kisses, basically making your wife feel special, etc. seem to diminish. He said that during the dating process, a lot of guys do all that stuff to get the girl. Once they marry, they figure they don't have to keep it up because she knows he loves her...after all he married her didn't he? And yet at the same time, the guy is thinking that now that we're married, he gets sex every night. No wonder so many couples are in conflict! We forget that the "dating", is an every day thing for wives and if that need is not getting met, they have a difficult time giving the husbands what they need. So neither of them are very fulfilled emotionally and the marriage becomes susceptible to breakdown.

Well that's my soapbox. I just found all this stuff interesting and am curious as to your comments. Also curious as to what types of things you do to educate or protect your kids from the barrage of sex stuff that is just thrown in their faces now-a-days. I saw a show about the effects of the internet chat rooms, My Space and Face Book the other day and how teens are being mis-led by false identities which is easy to do when you can't talk to someone face to face and the effects of that. We want to be able to teach Nate to be a leader...not a follower when it comes time for him to deal with life's battles.