IT'S OK TO SAY "NO".

I am the type of person who wants to get involved with many things...only to become ineffective in many of them! My friend calls that "Clark Griswold" thinking. haha. Being a pastor's wife, it's very easy for me to become over involved. My parents have always volunteered at church and encouraged my brother and I to do the same. There was one point in time, early in our marriage, when we experienced burnout & decided to take a "break" from serving. That was a mistake though. We've never felt more empty during that time & vowed not to do that again. However....it is tricky finding a balance between family, work and serving.

My natural inclination is to immediately jump in and get involved with things...seminars, events, work days, classes.... but I quickly find myself becoming stressed out, trying to figure out how keep my promises. I've been finding myself short on time lately, so being a natural list maker, I decided to make a list of my commitments in an attempt to manage my time.

Let's see.....

1. Worship team ( band practice every week)

2. Mission team

3. Big Idea team (worship planning)

4. Vision meetings once a month

5. Connection Group every week

6. Various Sunday serving

7. Working full time as a licensed artist

8. Making coffee bag purses (in my spare time. ha!)

9. Managing a 3 yr old as a stay-at-home-work-at-home mom (gee, I think he's been in the bath long enough now. doh!).

10. Designing all the graphics & art for the church marketing materials (bulletin, signs, posters, connection cards, flyers, web graphics, facebook, etc.)

11. Attending various events and/or assisting with them as they arise (Valentines dinner, Easter, Family Fun Day....)

12. Keeping up with my blog & facebook (for out of town family & friends)

Hmmm...........

I seem to be leaving out the most important thing. Time with God. How can I be effective in any one of the above items if I don't take time for God? Oh sure, I pray (although many times, it's a quick on-the-spot prayer), attend my weekly Connection Group and read books about spiritual things. But my personal time with God and the Bible is seriously lacking. And I'm a pastor's wife!

Time to make a change. I encourage all of you to make out your list and see what's eating up your time.

Oh and by the way.......PLEASE do not be offended if I politely turn down an invitation to either attend, lead or assist in an event.

There are so many wonderful opportunities and events and I would love to be a part of them all, but my human limitations prevent me from doing that. Nor would God want me to be. I would rather be very effective in a few things and give others the chance to be effective in other ministries. I will be happy to support & encourage others to attend events, assist and serve. But I will not be a hindrance or stumbling block by over extending myself and sacrificing my husband, my child or my time with God.

I encourage you to pray and let God reveal to you where he wants you to serve best. Sometimes, the place he wants us to serve may change from time to time. In a small church, it's easy to get roped into doing the same thing every time, every week, for months on end. But I think it's good to take a sabbatical from a certain ministry and be open to serving in another for a time. In an effort to assist our children's ministry, I took a sabbatical from the praise team for a year or so. I loved singing and playing my bass, but I also wanted to be open to serving in another area. I enjoyed seeing the kids classes grow, meeting new people and learning how to lead kids. But I also knew that the ministry would not grow if it were just myself leading it, so I enabled others to take over the teaching and rejoined the praise team.

Find out what fits you in the life stages you are in. We were childless for 17 years. Now that we have a toddler, my involvement is different than it was before we had Nate. I'm around more moms, more kids, I have to work things around my child's schedule (and the fact we only have one car that runs!) but there are still things I can do and encourage my son to be involved in. I'm involved less with women's events but I'm ok with that right now. I would prefer to do more things with my husband since our time has become more limited with church, a toddler and my work.

If you are a pastor's family, find a friend you can totally confide in. My best friend has been with me through the ups & downs of ministry & life over the last 16 years. She lives in another city and I know I can call her & talk to her about anything. She's the person I can be real with, who accepts my flaws, listens to me vent, and refocuses me on the things that are important.

If you're a pastor's family, take one day off totally for YOUR family. That means...not answering your phone, your emails, no texting, no meeting with someone. The church will always be there. People will always need you. But for just ONE day, your family needs you without competing with the church or your jobs. In our early ministry years, we did not understand this and our marriage suffered greatly. Not only that, but our spiritual life suffered as well. We had to discipline ourselves to protect our family day. We have been blessed with a church family who is understanding and elders who enable us to protect our marriage and family. Our family day is Friday and most people know not to call us that day or leave a message and know we will get back to them after Friday. God intended for everyone to have a day of rest. And for us, this is our day to revitalize our marriage and spiritual life.

Well this turned out to be a lengthy post but I hope you find encouragement and motivation in it. Sometimes it's easier for me to write than to talk! Have a great weekend!