Adopting Issues to Consider

A few of you have asked if Nate will still be the oldest child since we have applied to adopt a child older than 1 yr. The answer is "yes". We receive monthly updates on the Ethiopian program from our agency. They had an article about adopting out of birth order that I found interesting and thought I'd share. -Denise

Adopting out of birth order

As a general rule, Children’s Hope does not place out of birth order. Meaning that we do displace the age order of children currently in the family, though it has been allowed on a very small scale here. The idea of placing out of birth order is a controversial one and you can hear many discussions on the subject listing both pros and cons. We have found throughout the many years of placing children into adoptive homes that an out of birth order placement is not the preferred placement and can be one of the most challenging. In the Ethiopia program since the ages of the children are estimated, and older children can be 1 or 2 years older than the age that is given in the background information (though we have our doctor at the HOH to estimate the age of the child before referring them), we have to use more caution when placing that child to try to ensure that the child bring placed will not all of the sudden turn out to be the oldest child in the home (above another child), due to his estimated birth date. Most will agree that displacing the oldest child in the home should never be an option. The child has already established his/her place in the family as the oldest and will certainly have issues if he/she suddenly became the middle child or youngest child. As well, the child being placed in the middle of 2 children may actually need to be the youngest in the family due to their development stage, background, etc.

Also, when considering out of birth order, not only is the age of the children currently in the home considered, but also the age of the child coming into the home. In Ethiopia often times an older child will live with other children, siblings or cousins, etc.; you have to consider, where has that child’s place been in the family that they lived with? Were they the youngest and now are the middle child, or the oldest? Of course sometimes their place in their birth family may never be known.

There are so many things to look at and consider when thinking about adopting out of birth order, What are the dynamics of the family and the child that the out of birth order placement will be with? How much of an age gap is there between the child that is being placed and the child being displaced? Will that placement now turn into artificial twinning, which is another challenging adoption scenario?

Basically, families, children and situations vary so greatly that to say that an out of birth order placement will not work for any family is false; however, much care, consideration information and education must be given to any family considering such a placement.