Thursday, August 14, 2008

WHERE DID HE COME FROM?

I keep up with other bloggers who've adopted and ran across this recent one from a couple who adopted a boy and girl from China who are only 8 months apart in age. I've copied and pasted her blog post below because it's a reminder to me of unwanted questions about Nate that I'm sure we'll have to deal with eventually. It's a shame that families have to deal with this kind of stuff and hopefully it will help you be able to support and stand up for families who are subject to this insensitivity.

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Tiffany's Blog

About a month ago I was in a UPS store sending 4 packages and I took Lily and Ty with me. You can imagine this was a fun outing.... with a 2 year old, a 3 year old, a worn out mom, and 4 packages.

Thankfully the store had a small play area. Lily and Ty were thrilled about that and kept busy the entire time. I was thinking YEE HAW... I've found a place I can get my mailing done and keep them entertained..... always a plus when I can get my things done and keep them happy.

The lady helping me happened to be the owner of the store. She started with the usual questions about them being brother and sister (see questions above) and then went on and on. It all happened so fast and I SOOOO wish I could go back to that moment and deal with it differently.

Her questions came faster than I could stop her. All while I am trying to keep Lily and Ty from hearing her, checking the shipping labels she is handing me, and process that this ignorant woman is asking me all these questions.
Here are the questions she had for me... these are all after we established the validity of them being siblings....

~Did their parents just not want them?
~You must have a lot of money to get two of them?
~You are lucky to get 2 cute ones because some of them are ....well... you know.... just not so cute (her words not mine).
~Why did their parents give them up when they are so cute?
~Was something wrong with them?
~What do you know about their mom and dad?
~Were they in an orphanage and was it just awful?
~Were they mistreated, starved, etc?
~Did you try fertility?
~Could you just not have children?

I am not sure I answered any of her questions... I felt like I was frozen and this woman is just rattling off questions at me and I can't answer. I have been asked many of these questions before by strangers just never all at once like that.
I really don't remember leaving the store or what I said to her while in the store...

I just remember that Lily was VERY quiet for a good part of the day and it hurt my heart so much to think she might have heard any of it. It was a HUGE awakening to what lies ahead. I am certain the questions will always be there....
What did I learn from the whole thing........we just need to be better prepared.

http://lilyfeifei.blogspot.com/

4 comments:

Pat Ramos said...

That's just plain ignorant of that lady!! How rude. I never had anyone ask me those kind of questions, I would have probably burst into tears or told her off one!! So Sorry.

Sarah said...

ah yes, the very intrusive and none of your darn business questions. Been there more than I would like to admit. The one that I think stung the most was from an elderly Chinese man in Target- "So, how much did she cost?" I felt like he had hit me in the stomach and ripped my heart out in one swoop. Lets face it- there are so many people in this world that are uneducated to adoption and if they had any sense they wouldn't ask. I avoid too many answers that pertain to Grace and her story of how we became a family. I usually say its hers and not for me to tell. You just can't change stupid!

Tiffany said...

Bless your heart for sharing this on your blog! Thank you as well for your comment on our blog.
I am so thankful for my blogger friends!

Michael, Carrie, and S said...

It's so sad that some people don't realize that these types of questions can be so difficult for adoptive parents and especially for adopted children. I think I am often too honest when people ask me questions, and I need to just be nice but tell them it is S' personal information and our family's personal information. I had a Walgreens' employee recently make a comment about S that probably could get her fired if I chose to share it with her bosses (which I won't). Fortunately, I was so shocked I didn't really respond. People really do not understand how they come across. Thanks for sharing this.