Sunday, August 17, 2008

WHAT DO YOU THINK??????

I found out that the mom who enjoyed mothering Nate babysits several kids every day and that's what she's used to doing. I also noticed that those who felt I was overreacting, deal with kids on a daily basis so they also don't think twice about it.

I, on the other hand, do not deal with kids daily so it is odd to me when a total stranger decides to play "mom" to my child when I am right there to help him myself, if needed. If I had stepped away from the table or had left him in a class or nursery, that would be different.

Also, if it were someone I knew, that would be different, and I would probably not hesitate to help or clean up another friend's child, but I would not do it to a stranger's kid without asking them first. And she didn't just wipe his face off...she continued to instruct him on his eating and drinking and cleaning as though I were not sitting right across from him. It was not as though I had other children to corral...I was simply eating my pizza and watching this strange lady tell my kid how to eat, hold his drink, wipe his face, hold his plate..... and mind you, Nate is more than capable of doing all this by himself..yes even wiping his own face. Call me old fashioned but I do believe it's polite to ask first if the other mom is sitting right in front of you, and you do not KNOW them.. Granted...I know the lady was not trying to be rude or insulting...she simply did not think to ask me if I would mind if she assisted my child. I wouldn't have been so annoyed if she had. To be honest, I think I'm more annoyed with myself for not speaking up and saying something like, "It's ok, he's fine. I'll take care of him in a minute, thanks."

In fact, I just had a conversation with another friend who recently gave birth and she was miffed when someone she knew of (but not well), picked up her baby and walked off, without asking her first or even telling her where they were going (and no it was not family). We had a well meaning couple who took Nate's hand and led him to the church playground without telling us first and I was in a panic trying to find my child. We've had other instances where well meaning people have given things to Nate that we do not allow him to have (like M and Ms, cookies, KoolAid), WITHOUT ASKING US FIRST.

So....to spark a lively debate....what are your thoughts on all this? What are your pet peeves when it comes to your children? Should people ask before they pick up your baby/child, give them things, or play "mom" if they're strangers and the mom is right there in front of them? Have you had a situation where something like this happened to you and how did you handle it?

9 comments:

Sarah said...

I personally do not think you overreacted. I would have been annoyed myself. Noone should try to "mother" your child or decide to walk your child to the playground without asking first. I know I wouldn't. OK- maybe I am over-protective too. But you know what- they are OUR children and not "community property" because of how they came to join our family. I get annoyed with Scotts family for running off with Grace at family functions. Your feelings are justified. Just my 2 cents ( or rather dollars worth)

Sam- Hypnotoad said...

D,

I would of said something to the woman directly. I never stood for anyone touching Alyssa when she was baby. The fact that he was trying to teach him how to hold and eat the pizza, I think I would of responded with a politely "Excuse me, get your hands off my son, or someone will be feeding you for a week..." Just my opinion! Ha ha

RN said...

You will discover on numerous occasions that there begins a baby cub mother in you and with time you become a loud crazed mother bear. Never be afraid to respond to your motherly feelings. Much better to have this stranger walk away feeling that you overreacted than you feeling like you were robbed of being a mother to your own child, if only for moments. Embrace the mother bear in you and growl at strangers for taking over your rightful role.
I have had numerous opportunities that have made me, a quiet, easy going mom into a mother bear when needed.
Since Sarah is weighing in our thoughts here is your mortgage for the month. lol

Angel said...

I still think you are all overreacting. This wasn't a stranger in the mall walking up to Nate and wiping his face and telling him how to hold his plate. This was a woman attending a birthday party in which you were also guests. Therefore, there is a common bond, and though not introduced, you were not total strangers. The woman thought she was being helpful, and probably giving you a break (as most mothers would like a break now and then). She doesn't know your history or that you had to wait so long before the blessing of motherhood arrived.
As for walking off with someone's child...that is a big no no. I don't see a problem at a family function in which most of the people are family members, but at church that would be scary.
The thing that stands out in your blog, to me at least, is that you admit these people are trying to be helpful. You say the woman "enjoyed mothering Nate," "we had a well meaning couple who took Nate's hand," and "where well meaning people have given things to Nate"; it seems that you recognize the people don't mean any harm, so why are your upset? Are you upset when someone offers you a piece of gum, a cup of coffee, or lets you out in traffic? Honestly, I think these are just people being kind to a little boy, it has nothing to do with your mothering skills.

RamblingMother said...

It would have driven me crazy too. Maybe she was just a busy mom and needed something to distract her. I personally follow glenys around so I wonder why she didn't follow her own kids around instead of staying with you and Nate?

RamblingMother said...

Oh but I will say I have too been guilty of mothering other people's children so I there you go.

Chanda said...

I think people should always ask a parent (especially if they are sitting right there) before helping with a child, offering food, or providing personal care assistance such as wiping the child’s face. The only exception is if the child is doing something that could endanger the child or others. For example, catching a child if you see them falling, grabbing something that’s a choking hazard, or taking a knife away if you see it in a child’s hand.

Sure, some people with several kids may do the nurturing things as second nature, but we don’t live in that day and age anymore. How would you feel if you were wiping a child’s face and accidentally scratched it with your fingernail? Or, better yet, offered a child a food item they were allergic to and they had a reaction?

I think your situation would have been much different if it were someone you knew because they have a different relationship with the child than a total stranger. Additionally, I think a friend would have made conversation with you to begin with or looked to you for reassurance that it was okay to help. I don’t think you’d have the same reaction to me. I think I might try it out just to see. Tee hee!

I definitely would have said something right off the bat without sounding rude to make it clear that you would take care of him. When my Alyssa was only three months old, strangers would approach us at the mall and touch her. That was really hard for me because I didn’t want to come across as a mega “B,” but I didn’t want their grubby paws on her either. Gross! It was always hard to coming with ways to divert them. People are just drawn to babies.

Maybe you should have offered to help the stranger with her food and wiped her face a bit…she might have gotten the hint. :-P

Tiffany said...

Oh my word... are people just clueless! I tell ya I am beginning to feel that most are.
That would have annoyed me to no end.
I probably would have been to shocked to say anything.

Love the party photos of Nate!!!!

Michelle McKinney said...

I would have been very, very mad. At myself too, like you said. I always walk away baffled that someone would do xyz, but then I realize in my baffledness..if that's a word...I didn't say anything and I should have. I have every right to as their mother! A similar situation for me was when an aquaintence asked if we could meet at the park with our boys and while there, she started examining him (she's a chiropractor and an aquaintence, not a friend) and said she wanted to "adjust him." I was perplexed and confused on the situation. I of course didn't want her to. I don't think she did anything, but on the way home, I realized how angry I was. How dare she! I thought it was unprofessional to start with. MDs don't walk up to people, even people they know and offer advice or services without being asked. Not to mention the fact I'm not a fan of chiropractors, no offense to those who are. I'm an MD kind of a girl. But then I was totally angry at myslef because he's my child and I should have said a simple, "no thank you." But instead I stood there in shock and said nothing. But I would have been mad at that lady too for mothering him! That's your job.